At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
did i just pee glitter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
