i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Michael Bay diarrhea
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
