I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
