You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
