I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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