I puked a lego.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
