I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
