You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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