i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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