Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
