happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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