Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize