I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize