I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize