Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
