why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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