It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
