'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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