kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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