dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
