The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
