I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
