great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
