I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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