EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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