Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
