I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
