After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
