Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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