Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
