Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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