if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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