How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
