i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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