So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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