i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
