At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
