I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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