Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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