my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize