I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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