you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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