he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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