I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
