Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
