So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
