I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
