i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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