id be glad to
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
