im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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