he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
