note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MIDGETS
????
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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