i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
