my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
