I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
