So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
thus making me awesome and them whores
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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