i think my tv is drunk
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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