i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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