i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
