so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize