They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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