Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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