You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
