Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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