I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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