True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
50% drunk capacity currently
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
