Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
