There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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