he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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