We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everclear isn't food dammit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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