ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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