Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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