Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize