Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize