the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
